I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
