You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were trust falling into bushes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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