Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
