just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
