I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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