It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
