Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
