she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
