woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
