i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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