you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
