Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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