fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
