thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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