Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
