no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
