This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
