Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
