dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
