there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
