Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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