There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
