yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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