I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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