You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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