im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
