ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
