I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
