I met the friendliest cop last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
