WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
