And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
