I'm eating all of the evidence.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
