you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
