Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sobbing to NWA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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