I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
