I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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