My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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