Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
