Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
