If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
