I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
