oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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