grandma shit on top of the toilet
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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