i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
