I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
