and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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