Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
