I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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