Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
