we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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